Fairest Of Them All

As the winter sun set in a crimson blaze to the west, a near full moon crept over the snowcapped mountains to the east, casting its variegated hues of silver and blue over the landscape. Dhumbo Thumass, The Royal Gatesperson, signaled for the closing of the inner gate, and the lifting of the drawbridge. With loud clanking of heavy chains the massive bridge was lifted from its footing across the deep moat, and with creaking groans, lifted and slammed into the seat near the top of the twin towers. The sentinel watching from atop the eastern turret sounded a lonely toll of the castle’s chapel bells. The castle was secured for the night. Continue reading

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Born to Pun: Introduction

Born to Pun: 1,400 Boss Jokes, Funny Quips, and Groan-Worthy Punchlines

Introduction

Words, words, words!

Is a picture as the Chinese saying goes worth a thousand words? And is the reverse also true,

that one word is worth a thousand pictures? What is one word worth? Would William Wordsworth have wondered the same? Continue reading

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Born to Pun

In March of this year Ulysses Press out of Berkeley, CA, will publish a second volume of my puns to follow last year’s edition, “The Ultimate Book of Dad Jokes.” This year’s volume, going by the title, “Born to Pun,” contains some 1,400+ puns of similar nature, those groan inducing, head-slapping, eye-rolling gems to haunt you in your sleep and bring dread to your waking hours…!  Continue reading

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The World’s 101 Diabolically Worst Puns

Question: “I wonder, do Eskimo salesmen use their cell phones to make cold calls?”

Those of us who are introverts are lucky in many ways, not the least of which is we’ll never be bored. If things around us are going too slowly or we lose interest in them for a variety of reasons, not to worry, we have a built-in “backdoor” that opens on a fascinating world within that utterly blows away boredom. It is not falling but leaping down Alice’s rabbit hole; it is storming the castle in the Land of Oz; it is crossing the River Styx with safe passage back; it is the portal to the shores where unicorns bound and Merlin holds court. Continue reading

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Stars and Stripes Forever…

A flag waves in my heart, and that is as it should be. It was placed there atop an inner mountain sometime in the distant past by events that I do not specifically recall, but at a time when patriotism meant something different, something heart-felt by a nation united in the diminishing shadows of World War II. We were a different nation then – not better or worse, just different. Continue reading

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“Oh beautiful for spacious skies…”

Growing up as an ethnic minority in America I remember the phrase “American melting pot.” It sounded like a beautiful concept and description of the experiment that is America. But underneath that surface impression I felt an unsettling stillness, a disquieting bump. As nice as it sounded it somehow didn’t feel right; there was something wrong with that picture of who we are. Continue reading

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Sugar and Spice, Everything Nice

Mandy hurried along passageway T-7 in the third tier of space station Orion. Dante trotted alongside her with ease, his collar clinking in the early morning silence. It was always quiet throughout the space station at 5:00 in the mornig, and the guards never patrolled this sector before 7:00 o’clock. Dante projected a thought warning to Mandy as they approached the corner near the health center, and she thought back a “thanks” to him as she felt the walls with her mind and turned left down passageway T-6. Dante knew that at the end of this passage was the station’s garden complex, where Mandy often went when she wanted to be alone. Continue reading

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